And an invitation to work together to start (or finish) your next book this summer

Boundaries are one of the core practices you’ll learn with me this summer in Bloom: A group especially or folks looking to start, or finish a book or other big project this summer. More info at the end of this newsletter!

Setting Boundaries is a Pleasure

Many of us dread setting boundaries. 

Necessary, sure, but is setting a boundary pleasurable? Almost certainly not.

I used to hate setting boundaries: I like most women have been enculturated to people please my whole life and, like most women and most Queer folks, to render myself invisible to support other people’s comfort. Setting a boundary often felt like I was letting someone down: As though by expressing my own needs I was damaging or failing whoever or whatever in some way, probably in a way that’s significant and longlasting. 

I’ve felt this in workplaces and my personal life, in ways that are inconvenient to downright dangerous. I’ve read a lot of boundary setting advice over the years, and frankly, most of it feels either aggressive (think business bros loudly demanding their needs over everyone else) or feels out of touch with the reality and nuance of human interactions.

What I find frustrating about most boundary-setting advice is that it makes it sound like once you set the boundary, that’s it: Everyone will honor it, and never again will you have an issue about that boundary with that person.

We all know that isn’t true, and especially for those of us who are constantly considering our own safety in real time, like walking a tightrope just to go get the groceries or talk with a colleague.

That, obviously, is not pleasurable.

So why did I put pleasure in the title of this newsletter? Because as a longstanding boundary-averse person, building pleasure into that process was the way I was able to start setting boundaries. Meaningful boundaries that are intentional and that I can hold.
The way I set boundaries is based in a flexible system: One that can bend to meet the nuance of a situation, but still stay firmly rooted in me, and in what I’m saying yes to. To center, and render visible, those things I care about most.

Building pleasure into boundary setting doesn’t mean you’ll enjoy the boundary setting conversation, necessarily, but it means that you’re building in the support for yourself so you’re clear about what you want, and know what you’re saying yes to (your sense of peace, more time for your creative work, etc.) 

You’re able to focus on the thing you want out of the interaction, and then celebrate yourself for taking steps to make that a reality. And, you’re giving yourself permission to get really, really excited about the things you love inside of your boundary (yourself, your work, your sense of calm, etc.), in part because you’re leaning into why you love them but also because you’re taking active, courageous steps to actually support their thriving.

I’ve talked about self-love as revolutionary, and boundary setting is one facet of that: Rendering visible the parts of you that are often made invisible for others’ comfort (like the part that needs to be left alone to write, or the part of you that knows you cannot take on yet another task at work). 

Setting boundaries, and staking out your own space and time, is revolutionary, especially if you’ve been told that who you are or the things you love are somehow unworthy of being honored with time, attention, and protection. Each time you intentionally set a boundary, you’re setting an example to yourself and others of expressing your needs while staying rooted in love. 

Each time you root pleasure into that practice: By celebrating yourself, by celebrating what’s inside your boundary, and by practicing some good self-care, you’re setting an example that says “my needs and desires are worth protecting and prioritizing”. 

And, weaving in pleasure makes you more likely to stick with that boundary and to lean into the real, palpable joy of building the world you want and the creative work you want: Which lets you divorce your work from burnout and grind culture, and shows those around you that meaningful work (whether a book or a painting or a lifetime of deeply exploring a craft) can be both productive and pleasurable. 

Building a pleasurable creative practice to last a lifetime

Over the years, I’ve helped creative folks start and finish all kinds of projects: films, magazine columns, visual art exhibitions, academic articles. But I’ve especially helped people start and finish books.

Many of you have reached out and asked me to offer a group workshop especially for authors writing books. This summer, that workshop is coming to life: Crafted using my expertise from both sides of the coin as an author and as a writing coach. 

{Hyperlink button text: Learn more}

https://rootsandbranches.squarespace.com/learn-more-bloom-group-coaching

In Bloom, you get more than just a few resources, you get a whole ecosystem of support that includes:

• Biweekly live coaching calls to celebrate your achievements, answer your questions in-depth, and learn new skills and mindset shifts you can start using right away.

• Lifetime access to a robust library of resources (a $1200 value)

• Access to me every weekday to ask questions and receive support, make concrete plans together, and to take real, tangible steps towards the pleasurable, productive writing practice you crave 

• Weekly prompts to continue growing your practice around foundational skills and themes, so you can start and end your week building and reflecting upon your writing practice

• Free gifts for everyone who participates consistently through all 8 weeks, including a chance to receive in-depth 1:1 coaching sessions to intuitive guidance (a $300 value each).

• Space to celebrate your wins and find support in community

• Recordings of all calls so you can plug back in later

• A special Ask A Literary Agent live session with Sally Ekus of The Ekus Group to answer your burning questions about publishing and representation

• And more!

Bloom is crafted to support authors at all levels (and at all stages in the book writing process), whether you’re an established professional writer or an emerging author who writes in their spare time. 

We focus on a suite of core skills (including boundaries), which all interconnect to support you in bringing your book to life, and in building a thriving, sustainable, and productive writing practice that will serve you the rest of your life: For everything you write, forever.

Bloom runs from July 22-September 9, and newsletter subscribers get first dibs before it’s announced to the rest of the world next week:

Please take 60% off our discounted early pricing (which is $400 off regular price) with the code BIGIDEAS

I can’t wait to write with you this summer!