How I handle big meetings with editors (or anyone else), rooted in practicality and possibility
During a recent meeting, one of my clients asked how to prepare for navigating new-to-them writing spaces that feel scary: Think pitch meetings with presses they’re courting to publish your next book, meeting with a possible agent, presenting to a larger audience than you’re used to, etc.
In reflecting on this, I divided my answer into a couple themes: Possibility and practicality.
I also thought a lot about how when we reach these moments of growth, we’re being asked to examine what we’re growing into: And by rooting into excitement, and into curiosity and possibility wherever you can, you’re recognizing that you’ve already reached a new level versus where you were before.
And when you move from the place of “I’m a person who has meetings with important editors” versus “I’m not good enough for this” things are more fun, go more smoothly, and you welcome in that new identity (which again, you already have) more easily.
This is a process: One that requires consistently showing up and examining, consistently releasing habits that aren’t working, approaching ourselves with kindness and grace, and bringing in habits and thoughts that better serve us.
But it’s a process you can start today, if you want. Here are some of the ways I prepare for big meetings, conferences, etc. as a writer and in general:
Possibility
Let’s say you’re heading to a conference and you’re nervous about all the talent you’ll meet there: You know there are rooms full of people who are legends in your field, and who you’ve only dreamt of meeting. And now you’ll be in the same place as them? And maybe even talking to them? Yikes.
When I think about a meeting/conference/whatever that I’m nervous about, I start to take a few practical steps to reorient myself towards the possibilities that space offers to me, and the excitement I feel towards that, without gaslighting myself out of feeling my anxious feelings.
First: Tap back into why this space benefits you and why you’re interested in it. In other words, why am I excited to do this?
Rather than focusing on what’s new and scary about the conference, start with tapping back into why you’re going: And specifically into the reasons ‘why’ that have to do with you, not other people (“I’m going because I want to connect to people who share my interests and open new doors for myself” not “This is part of my job and I’m expected to go.”)
In other words: What do you want to get out of the conference? Why are you excited to be there?
Starting from this place gives you a more positive point to jump from and a stronger foundation to build from.
Then: Be honest about your feelings, and use them to make a plan that supports you
Maybe you’re anxious you’ll mess up, or that people won’t like you, or you’ll be late, or whatever. Identifying the specific reasons why you’re feeling nervous, scared, anxious, alongside the reasons you’re feeling excited (from above) gives you a snapshot of this moment.
Just spend a minute or two writing these things down: I recommend not taking a long time on this and not catastrophizing, which can cause some folks to anxiety spiral. Just think about the things that immediately come up in a quick burst of writing.
Look at this list of feelings and divide it into two categories: What is inside your control, and what isn’t.
Some things (like being late) can be inside or outside your control, BUT you can do things to minimize the chance of that happening, which will also hopefully reduce the anxiety associated with that specific concern.
You can’t control if people like you, and that’s fine, but you can commit to being your true, amazing self in their presence, and think of ways to support yourself in doing just that.
Identifying these things helps you both remember what is and isn’t your responsibility, and be more intentional with the practical prep (below) that will help make the event/meeting a success.
Third: Rooting into yourself, expanding into possibility
You’ve reminded yourself why you’re excited about doing this, and you’ve acknowledged what feels anxiety-inducing (and you’ve taken practical steps, outlined below, to be sure you’re as prepared as you can be).
Now is the time to do big, expansive, day dreamy thinking about this big event, which will help you orient towards your excitement, AND will help guide you as you move through the event itself.
This is where mental/energetic work meets action, because the groundwork you lay through this daydreaming can transform how things feel for you on the day.
You know I’m a big proponent of vision journaling (do a search of this newsletter if you want examples), and it’s a very powerful tool here, because you’re talking about this event in the past tense as though all the wonderful things you imagined have already happened. You’re setting yourself up, in other words, to experience the thing you want to experience.
Here are two things I vision journal about before a high stakes meeting or event:
First, what if this went well? Like, really really well? I journal about the best possible outcome I can imagine for this event, and let myself get detailed about how I feel, what exactly happens, and how events unfold. As I journal, can I find ways to let that vision get even bigger or better feeling?
Then, I use vision journaling to imagine the version of myself who has and experiences all the things that happened in the first journaling prompt. Remember, you already are this person, but journaling about it helps solidify that and gives you specific ideas for how you can more fully embody that part of yourself.
Some prompts to guide your thinking for this second journaling practice: How do I move through the world as this version of me?. How do they hold their body, make decisions, etc.? If I were in a room with them, how would it feel to be in their presence?
The more specific you can get, the more you’ll also get specific pointers for what embodying this version of you actually means. Versus “I want to be confident,” think “How do I move through this conference as a confident person” or “How does the ‘me’ who just closed a long-awaited book deal move through the rest of their day?”
Think of this as a practice run for being that person more often. Remember, this is practice being a person who’s comfortable being in spaces like this more often, and while this space feels scary now, you’re just moving to your next stage as a creative, and some day, you’ll feel much more at ease navigating this kind of environment. Laying the groundwork now helps you get there much more quickly (and have more fun while you do).
Practicality
On the practical side of things, you want to make sure you’re prepared and confident: Some of this has to do with practical prep stuff itself (like outlining notes) but it’s also interrelated with possibility (see step 2, above).
Use your list from step 2 to make a plan specific to the things that feel heavy for you: If you’re anxious about being late, for example, make a schedule for your time that includes enough space to account for late trains/Lyfts, and see how you can build some more padding into your schedule through your itinerary (e.g. staying at a hotel close to the venue, researching train timetables in advance of the day so you’re knowledgeable and ready to go).
Remember some things are always outside of your control (you can’t make an agent or publisher accept your ideas, or make a conference audience love you), but if you show up prepared and confident, you’re doing your part of the work. And you make it easier for the folks you’re connecting with to say ‘yes’, to appreciate your work, and to get excited by your ideas.
You can also set yourself up for success by asking “what will help me feel confident?” Certain clothes, a playlist, a meditation practice? Something else? Whatever makes you feel like a badass or like the expert you are, pull it out and use it.
This is also a useful time to remember that even if you’re in a meeting that feels big and scary, the fact that you’re there means you’re supposed to be in rooms like that, whatever happens.
For example: An editor who wants to hear about your book idea is there because they want to hear your book idea. It’s ok to share your excitement along with your expertise!
In the case of my client, he was worried about being “too sales-y” if he made a case for the book: So if that worries you too, remember that they want to hear about the project and they want you to sell it to them.
Don’t bust out the sleazy used car salesman moves (which, if you’re reading this, is unlikely anyways) but also don’t be afraid to say why the book matters and why it would be mutually beneficial for them to publish it.
This is also a good time to journal and daydream about your ideas themselves, which helps you flesh them out in a more organic way so you can discuss them with greater confidence.
Think about what specific subjects you’re covering, or think you might, and journal out answers. This can be as simple or as complex as you want it to be, and if finding organic ways to talk about your ideas feels challenging, this is a good moment to try phrasing your ideas a few different ways in your journal so you have some options ready.
You can also vision journal about this, by making it past tense and focusing on what you think will be the most amazing outcome of (for example) publishing your dream book. The overview of the book, the audience, etc. can all be rooted in the possibility of vision journaling, which makes the “selling it” part easier because the language you’re using to describe your work is excited and, well, filled with possibility.
For example, you could journal in response to these:
-Overview: I’m writing the most amazing book and it’s about…
or I’m writing a book about … and it’s new/important because…
-Audience: Start with imagining the dream person for this book/project. Who are they? Now, imagine they encountered your work and had an incredible, transformative, life-changing experience with it. What would that look like?
You can also try these journaling prompts for ideal audience and ideal work.
When you vision journal or daydream about what you want, you often draw connections or find focus areas you may have otherwise missed: And that in turn gives you specific pointers for things to do to prepare (you might see a common thread across several audiences, for example, and can then use that to think up book marketing ideas that will appeal to them).
Tl;dr: You’re in the room sharing your ideas because you belong there. Do what you can to prepare, and let yourself feel excited: Because the discomfort of being in a big new space is a sign you’re growing into an even more powerful version of yourself.
P.S. For self-starters who want to really lean deep into building a consistent, expansive creative practice, which is always helping you build new connections and think in new ways, while also staying grounded and making regular progress on projects…
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These are skills I’ve used for years, and now teach to others because I know the powerful lifelong impact they have.
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