Your work actually DOES matter, a lot, right now
I’ve been thinking a lot about imposter syndrome. But not because I’m trying to ‘fix’ it, but more because I’m letting myself get curious about what’s behind a nearly universal human experience.
Imposter syndrome is a relatively recent classification (first appearing in 1978), but it’s something we’ve probably all felt, and the feeling of not belonging or not being qualified to be in a space obviously far predates the 20th century.
Merriam Webster defines it as “a psychological condition that is characterized by persistent doubt concerning one’s abilities or accomplishments accompanied by the fear of being exposed as a fraud despite evidence of one’s ongoing success.”
Note how this state of being is pathologized through the chosen language. We pathologize so many things, so that’s not a unique or even terribly remarkable observation, BUT when we treat those feelings as a syndrome, we cut off our ability to get curious about it.
To assume that the feelings of being an imposter will ever get better or to wonder why we feel that way in the first place.
In other words, we operate with the assumption that imposter syndrome is innate.
I like this literature review’s description a bit better: “People with impostor syndrome struggle with accurately attributing their performance to their actual competence (i.e., they attribute successes to external factors such as luck or receiving help from others and attribute setbacks as evidence of their professional inadequacy).”
It implies a disconnection, between our actual competence and our perceived self-value. And in pointing to a disconnection, the implication is that a reconnection, and a recognition of one’s own competence, is possible.
Studies are all over the map about the rates and prevalence of imposter syndrome (see that same literature review if you really want to dig in).
There’s a good amount of research, unsurprisingly, on its relationship to job performance, but we’re going to skip over that because I’m more interested in you and your rich and beautiful inner landscape, not how well you’re ticking boxes for your boss.
None of this is terribly Earth-shattering, so why am I bringing it up?
Because I’ve started thinking of imposter syndrome as not just a disconnection between competence and self-perception, but as something informed by multiple layers of ourselves and the world around us.
This week, I led an energy work session on imposter syndrome (paid subscribers, scroll to the bottom for the recording link).
It’s part of a new biweekly series of energy work sessions for creatives that I’m calling Body of Work.
This is so new I haven’t even made an official announcement yet (I guess this is it!), but you can sign up on Stripe or Paypal if you want early discounted pricing. Or as always, email me if you have questions.
Side note: this session asked me to encounter my own imposter syndrome and fears of being rejected, not taken seriously, etc. because as a person with a traditional academic background and traditional publishing/media background, more ‘esoteric’ practices run counter to the status quo, and it can be a good way to, well, not be taken seriously.
It’s an interesting new practice for me to explore my identity as a researcher and person who believes firmly in science, subject matter expertise, and in research as one expression of my curiosity WHILE ALSO being a person who is diving more deeply into the energy work practices I was taught when I was younger and reconnecting with that part of myself.
I don’t see a ton of folks out there who are openly embodying both “hooray science and actual research” and also “hooray for energy work and getting curious about the great mystery of life in magical, ritual ways!” So I’m excited to see how that evolving balance plays out in my own life.
Back to the energy work session.
I was struck, as I was preparing for this session, how clearly one message was coming through for me, and it’s one that 100% makes sense to my logical mind too: Basically, imposter syndrome isn’t just one thing.
In this moment at least, we’re contending with two different layers of imposter syndrome (maybe more? I’d love to hear if you have other things you’d add). Those are:
Layer 1: temporal (the work I do is inappropriate for this moment because there’s so much other ‘more important’ stuff happening).
Layer 2: internal, durable (I don’t belong in rooms/other places I want to be because I don’t deserve it or am not qualified, and everyone either is going to figure it out or already has).
These are very different in a lot of ways, but both connected to self worth and specifically to self-worth in connection to our creative output and innate value.
Layer one: Who am I to find joy when bombs are falling and everything is chaos?
This layer of imposter syndrome says that the work itself is not serious, so shouldn’t be focused on when we have “real problems” to deal with (which, guess what, educating, giving people joy, giving them reasons to live are actually super important during crises).
We’re imposters, in other words, because we’re not doing ‘real work’.
This ties into SO MANY other cultural narratives around what work is and how we’re supposed to work, and while those narratives do not have your best interests at heart, they are deeply embedded.
While I recognize this layer is not imposter syndrome in a traditional sense, I’m including it here because I see it as deeply interconnected.
This social/temporal aspect says “this work doesn’t matter right now because look at what’s going on! Why would my work be important when such big stuff is happening?”
In other words, that this kind of work is inappropriate to this moment.
I saw this in 2020 too, and I think a lot of us spent the early part of the pandemic and, depending where you were, also the BLM protests and other cultural touchstone moments, feeling like our work didn’t matter.
But I ALSO saw a lot of people find creative new ways to use their talents to plug in and try something different.
Think of how many people you know who learned a new skill, or started a new business, or finally wrote that book, as a way to ground themselves during the chaos. I’m expecting (or at least hoping) we’ll see more people take those leaps this year, too.
Layer two: People are going to figure out that I’m a fraud
Our usual definition of imposter syndrome is an identity-focused one (there’s something about me or my work that lacks value, or I’m an imposter more generally, most often because I’ve internalized social/familial/cultural messages about what value means and that I am somehow incapable of producing anything valuable).
In other words, that I don’t belong in a given professional space and people are going to figure that out, if they haven’t already.
This is something that is not unique to creatives, but I think creative people feel it in unique ways because there are at least some aspects of our work that cannot be quantified as objectively ‘good’ or not.
So we kind of have to define that for ourselves. ‘Good’ becomes what other people like or value, or (hopefully) also what we like or value about our own work. What educates others, draws new connections, etc. It has a much more flexible meaning than a quantifiable ‘good’ or ‘not good’ (e.g. if you build a simple circuit, does it work or not?)
Side note: Creativity is very broad here, as always: I don’t just mean artists and writers, but also anyone who is creating something new rather than working to existing concepts and plans.
That means that in addition to the “I’m a fraud and they’ll figure me out” feelings, we also sometimes feel like the things that would demonstrate competence are a moving target. Or an unclear one.
So the first part of the work is getting clear on what that target means for you, not anyone else. If imposter syndrome is a disconnection between our actual competence and abilities, and our perceived competence and self-worth, where can we start to rebuild those bridges?
Some lessons for creative spirits from imposter syndrome
Imposter syndrome is an aspect of our internal landscape that’s trying to keep us safe: By being hidden and small we can keep from being hurt, and there are many lizard brain-level evolutionary advantages to staying safe and remaining accepted by others.
And as I’ve seen in my career, oftentimes this is compounded further by external messages, particularly for LGBTQ+ folks, global majority folks, and women, whose intrinsic value and identities regularly bump up against external scrutiny and messages that try to degrade their sense of self-worth.
This session brought voice to things I already knew, but needed as a reminder (and maybe you do, too): That it is precisely when things feel desolate or hopeless or Too Much that our voices, our play, our creativity, and our curiosity are most needed.
That when we most feel we want to shrink into hopelessness is when we most need to be our uninhibited creative selves. Not just for us, but because the world needs it.
That we can shift our internal narratives around imposter syndrome (and remember this is a process): Maybe there’s a visual you can use, like taking the weight of imposter syndrome off your shoulders and replacing it with something else (a crown, flowers, whatever visual works).
And most of all, that there might be more than one thing going on in relationship to our self-worth and creativity.
That we may need to get curious about our relationship to different layers of self-doubt, not in a judging way (there’s not anything ‘broken’ that needs fixing), but just in a curious and question-asking way, where what ask ourselves can help us align our path to one that serves us and that gives us reminders that the work we’re doing right now is needed.
That giving people a reason to live, that making work that addresses why we love being alive (through joy, play, pleasure, curiosity, love and connection) is a literally lifesaving act and a service to the world.
If you’re feeling like your work doesn’t matter right now, or you struggle with imposter syndrome in general, you can find the energy work session recording here:
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Roots and Branches 