Lately, in client work and in my own practice, I’ve been really emphasizing small daily actions done in tandem with larger, deeper work. Like a river cutting through a landscape (or one of those old Roman roads that’s several feet lower than the ground around it), those small actions gradually reshape things, until you eventually look around and realize the view has changed considerably without you even noticing it day by day.
This work involves not just manifesting something better, but increasing our capacity to hold more. That means being able to hold more life experience (whatever life throws at us), to be more resilient in the face of uncertainty or *gestures at everything*, and to continue pointing our compass towards our own true norths, even as all the chaos is happening.
That means not waiting until things have calmed down to tap into our authentic, most deeply-rooted selves, but to operate continuously from that place. This is a practice, not a destination we just arrive and stay at, and today’s newsletter offers some ways to play with the practice of noticing and building your capacity to hold big things without totally sliding off the rails in the process.
Capacity means being willing to meet discomfort and being able to stay grounded in ourselves as we do: Think of it like lifting and holding a heavy or large object. If you get your center of gravity right first, you can hold that thing more easily without losing your balance.
Yesterday I mentioned a visualization practice I do (basically, envisioning the thing I want to build my capacity towards, in my case being a best-selling author, and letting myself sit with the discomfort of that vision and get curious).
In that example, me envisioning myself as a best-selling author often asked me to be ok with actively selling books. It took me a long time to be ok with selling what I make because sales felt icky. But if I want to be a bestseller, I have to…sell the books. It’s right there in the name!
So by identifying what felt uncomfortable, and being willing to sit with that feeling rather than shying away, I gained insights about why I don’t like selling (because so many sales in our culture feel extractive and icky) and how I could move towards that expanded future me who’s able to sell things in the way I want (selling books as relationship-building and sharing my gifts with others, not as a transactional, faceless interaction).
Building capacity in integrity with yourself
It is possible to expand our capacity to do and be more in a way that isn’t in alignment: You’ve probably had a life experience where tons of opportunities, a promotion, etc. rolled in pushing you down a path seamlessly, even if it wasn’t really a path you were excited to be on.
This happens a lot when we aren’t taking the time to be intentional and aligned with ourselves. If I say “I want a job” and don’t really specify what, the likelihood is far higher that I’ll end up with something that’s not a great fit.
So the first step to building your capacity to hold more life experience is to get clear about both who you are and what you want to be holding in the first place (and, maybe, also why you want to hold it, though that justification doesn’t need to make sense to anyone but you).
One way to do this is to think about what it means to be in integrity with yourself. And remembering the nuance of integrity: Being in integrity doesn’t always mean being the loudest or most visible, or putting yourself in harm’s way. Sometimes you can do the most good from your own integrity in quiet, subtle, or behind-the-scenes ways.
And, I want to nudge you to remember that when we’re feeling spread thin, it’s a gift to ourselves and our communities to turn our attention inward and handle our own shit, and focus on our own creations and imaginations. However you’re feeling at a given time, turning your attention first and foremost to your creativity, then rippling that attention outwards to other areas of our lives and communities, has a powerful impact. Because our creativity is the channel through which we move forward and change things.
As creatives, we’re in a space where we’re leaders (whether you self-identify as that or not), in part because we’re showing other people what’s possible and how it’s done. In other words, how to navigate the storms and to live as ourselves when the living feels like a lot. Not to gaslight ourselves with ‘positive vibes only,’ but to remember that we are capable of holding and directing whatever energy and circumstances come our way, and to navigate that in integrity with ourselves.
Daily practices
Try vision journaling and/or a future visualizing practice like I mentioned above. Hold that vision clearly in your attention for 30 seconds (or more if you wish), letting yourself get curious about any resistance that comes up. Not in a judgy way, just noticing it without letting your inner critic take over.
Just focus on the thing you want, notice where it feels uncomfortable and impossible, and start getting curious about those edges. This is a process and a practice, and one unique to each of us. If I can help, you can book a time in my calendar here.
Remember capacity-building isn’t just a way to sit with things that feel uncomfortable in a bad way (there’s so so much nuance here!) but also a way to increase our ability to experience life’s pleasures.
On one level, there’s a nervous system + lizard brain element to this: We have to feel safe to receive something in order for us to experience it.
You may not think that you feel unsafe when you feel good (and, maybe you don’t, but…maybe you do): But for many people there’s some deconditioning we have to do around pleasure, desire, abundance, or getting what we want. Either because we’ve been told there’s something wrong with pleasure, desire, and abundance, or we’re worried we’ll get those things and then they’ll go away.
A simple way to work with this is to remind yourself you’re safe every time you experience a strong, positive emotion or receive something in your life you enjoy or wanted. Even just saying to yourself “I’m safe to receive this” can be enough.
Gratitude is another way to work with this: Focusing your attention on gratitude towards what’s coming and what’s here moves that attention away from noticing what isn’t going well and away from your worries.
I talk more about capacity, joy, and wonder in this newsletter issue.
Capacity also involves staying grounded and being able to move a bigger chunk of energy than we have before: I think of it as being a bigger container that takes up more space and holds more of life itself.
The fact that I am an ever-expanding person who’s intentionally working with energy doesn’t mean I’ll never experience bad things or have challenges: It means that because I have expanded my capacity to hold more of life, I have the capacity to hold and navigate those things when they come up, and the resilience to refocus back towards what I want.
Other ways to play (as always, take what works and leave what doesn’t):
*Re-center your creativity: You can’t imagine a new world if you’re convinced this one is the only world that exists. Your creativity helps you remember what’s possible, and that has a ripple effect through your entire life. When things feel bleak, don’t stop creating: Do it more often. Do it with more passion. Put creativity front and center in your day every day and see what shifts for you.
*Vagus nerve care practices (reach out to me if you want ideas)
*Gentle grounding self-care/self-touch activities like lymphatic massage
*Energy hygiene: clearing out what isn’t yours helps you see what is and keeps external forces from draining you. I talk more about that here.
*Creating safe havens: I have a mental cave I visualize where I hang out with all of you and all my clients and readers, and I occasionally pour bursts of Reiki into that cave or just chill out in there imagining everyone having a calm, creative time away from the rest of the world.
Having those physical spaces is important, too: A really cozy office, noise canceling headphones, for example, with strong boundaries about who else gets to come in and when.
*Kinetic practices to bring in movement to your body, either with something formal like a class, or just moving by following your intuition and what feels good (dancing to a song you like is a nice way to do this).
*Release personal responsibility for world events while finding ways you can show up for others without burning out: You are not responsible for the actions of others. And while we have a collective responsibility to shape the world, that responsibility is collective: not just yours to carry. Find where you can plug in, make sure what you’re doing is the best use of your time and talents (getting clear about your intentions and attention is a good way to do this), and make sure the output you offer is sustainable. Stretching yourself too thin serves no one.
We do all of this and more in Symbiosis, and I am 100% serious when I say this space will change your life, because I’ve seen these tools and practices massively shift the work and worlds of dozens of other people.
You’ll tap more deeply into your “why” (or if you’re already tapped in, you’ll get more tools to unlock your potential and make that purpose-driven work actually happen, and reach the people it needs to reach). You’ll create with greater pleasure and ease.
Creativity will feel like being in flow, like it’s supposed to, rather than like a thing that makes you nervous, or is just another item on the agenda. Whether you’re writing a research paper, writing a novel, writing code, painting a picture, composing music, or building a house…this is your place to tap back into the current of your creative energy.
In Symbiosis, we’re weaving strategy and energy to build a creative practice that’s productive, aligned towards your goals and success.
AND we’re playing around with mystery and possibility, so the process is FUN and leaves you open to new possibilities that you hadn’t even considered.
9 months, fully online, with live and self-paced elements so you can craft your outcomes and experience to match your goals.
This is for all creative people: writers, artists, musicians, academic researchers, engineers, teachers, etc. Anyone who has a creative element to their work and who wants to really go deep into fostering it.
Every element of your creative practice is interconnected (hence the ‘symbiosis’ part): and caring for one part of the ecosystem benefits the whole.
In Symbiosis we do this by working with pillar practices, plus energy work, and good old-fashioned coaching and habit-building together in a virtual group space.
Our pillars are:
*Creating + refining sustainable habits
*Expansion + new experiences
*Meditation/grounding
*Time spent creating (and building more aligned goals around what/when/how you create)
*Time in community
Symbiosis is designed as a template where you can also add on optional additional tracks like a build-your-own MFA-style program, or seasonally-rooted creative practices.
That’s where the ‘mystery school’ part comes in:
We’re using a successful framework to shape our own practices, and growing and adapting together in real time, playing with energetic threads and exploring possibilities rather than just rooting in the here and now.
A creative life necessarily involves embracing possibilities beyond the known world.
You can’t craft a new reality if you’re dead set on the current one.
And we need your creative minds and hearts here, now, bringing your unique work to the world in ways only you can.
There are two options to join us, and we open on Saturday!
The regular program, including live coaching, resources, and all the elements of Symbiosis is ~$80-$100/month (depending which payment plan you pick)
The fancy VIP version for folks who want extra support + magic:
For this, you get two extra 1-hour coaching sessions a month for 9 months, a one of a kind handmade oracle deck, and a box of tinctures and other goodies to support your magical practice (that’s $6k and by application only, and I’ll do a payment plan if you need!)
Roots and Branches 
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